The popular stereotype of the “deadbeat father” is mostly targetted towards Black fathers to paint a false negative picture of what they are really like. They say Black males don’t take care of their families but this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, according to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2013 National Health Statistics Report, Black fathers are more likely to have bathed, dressed, changed, or helped their child with the toilet everyday, compared to other racial groups. They are also most likely to have eaten a meal with their children… So why do we continue to perpetuate these false stereotypes?
The Epitome of A Good Black Father
From an early age, I have always seen Black fathers protect their families. From my experience, anytime someone said something to hurt my feelings or self-esteem, my father would be quick to remind that person to respect me as his child. He would always stand up for his children. In my own life as a father, I have also been very protective about my children and what is being done to them. I believe that this is the epitome of a good Black father as the protector in and out of the household and no one can harm the family without first getting past the father.
My Struggles As A Black Father
During the antebellum period, they would always target the Black father to weaken the family. But a Black father can also be targeted from within his own household today. As a Black father, there are so many external trials that you have to go through, but the most painful are the internal struggles that may come from inside of your own home. This is what I personally had to experience. The negative impact from the other parent and the negative manipulation of the children.
I was falsely accused by my own wife and mother-in-law who used the court system against me and played a victim role. I had to go through the court system and I lost my career. This crippled my finances while putting me through a cycle of losing and gaining custody of my daughters. No one knows what they will be willing to do to see their kids when they are in a desperate situation like this. When the odds are against you, you may not have enough opportunities to rebuild and restore your life after going through the system.
Our current legal system is fundamentally flawed because of how it judges the Black males more harshly with racial bias. You have a lesser chance of building your life after going through a court system that drains you, both mentally, emotionally, and financially. My faith in Christ was strong enough that I didn’t make any irrational or illegal choices after everything I had was taken away from me. A lot of people turn to drugs and alcohol from the stress, but I chose to hold on tightly to faith, not to turn to a negative lifestyle because my relationship with God was stronger.
Final Thoughts
I believe that we need to put more thought into how we express gratitude to our fathers and ensure that our fathers are appreciated and loved throughout the year, instead of only on fathers day. Black males are not given as much credit as they should receive for their contributions to their families and their societies. I believe that the role of the Black father is still being devalued, even though they are the foundation and backbone of our families. We need to have more appreciation toward the fathers in our communities and glorify the beauty of fatherhood through our faith, education, sports, history and storytelling. Also, by coaching, teaching, mentoring and volunteering we can promote stronger fathers who can raise our children from both in and outside the home. By doing so, we can strengthen our families and this would lead to flourishing communities as well.
